Because I'm Tired

Because I'm tired, I will subject you to a list of momsense.

1. Tuesday morning I was jolted awake at 3:30 am with a charley horse in my calf that can only be described as mind numbing. Coach was jolted awake approximately 4 seconds later by a screaming wife, which also can only be described as mind numbing. Then he tried to rub it out, at which point he may or may not have been punched by said screaming wife.

Approximately 2 seconds after that Coach was snoring soundly again. But not me. Oh no, I saw stars, had a ringing in my ears, and had a hot flash...and heart palpitations. Then it took me another 45 minutes to calm down enough to go to sleep...just in time for the alarm to go off.

2. I walked with a limp all day Tuesday...and today.

3. To which my track girls asked me what happened, and forced me to tell them that I hurt myself sleeping. SLEEPING. PITIFUL.

4. And then they laughed and said they thought that only happened to old people. And one girl told the story of how her dad pulled a muscle in his thigh while sitting and eating chicken wings. And another girl said her dad broke a rib while sitting at his desk at work (although there was a faulty spring in a chair back that apparently catapulted him into the side of his desk). And still another girl talked about how her mom tore a ligament in her foot while polishing her toes. And then I didn't feel so bad.

5. Until one girl said "Old people are always getting hurt doing nothing...Oh, sorry Mrs. K- we don't think you're old...old is like 35 years old...you're not old"

To which I replied, "No, apparently I'm four years past old. Now, go run."

6. And then I came home and checked my e-mail, and I received this little gem from a freshman who wants me to recommend him for honors history next year...

"I am trying to get registered for Honors History.. I need a reconmendation form my English and Histroy teacher. If possible please send one to me by breack tomorrow."

Umm, yeah. I'm probably not going to do that. But I might do a lesson on the virtues of using spell check.

7. And then I took a hot bath to ease the throbbing of my calf, and now I'm going to bed...at 8:45...with all the old people.

See y'all!

Sunday Supper - Foodless Edition

Well, it's been a wild week at our house. It's a culmination of blessings and activities that have us all out of sorts. First, the sun came out. Which is funny because I was absolutely sure that we were officially in the land that sunshine forgot, so I celebrated with a sinus infection and a little bit of walking pneumonia.

And both of those diagnoses are really awesome because it's the end of the quarter at school. And for those of you who are not familiar with what that means exactly, it means this: 57 essays on Romeo & Juliet.

Soooooo, I'm enjoying the gloriously warm and sunny weather through the window while I grade and wonder what we can eat for dinner.

Honestly, we'll probably go out, because Coach has spent his weekend being the ultimate soccer dad at a soccer field an hour away which has kept us from having much family time, and G was swamped with homework, and AC, well, she had some serious socializing to do.

So, we'll probably just head down to our favorite mediocre Mexican restaurant where Coach and I will enjoy exactly 12 tortilla chips with salsa, and then we'll feast on 2 flour tortillas, 4 ounces of chicken with grilled onions and peppers, more salsa, and I will be the weaker of the two and have some cheese, because I have earned cheese.

And then we'll come home so that Coach can add up his Weight Watchers points and I can read more essays, because it's spring and that's how we roll.

Stay tuned- now that the quarter is almost over- I have some really great stories because while the writing has been sporadic and flat, life has been anything but.

See y'all!

Energy

A surplus of personality. That's what we're calling it. Energy that knows no bounds.

She can bring the Energizer Bunny to its knees. She can destroy a room in 5 seconds flat. She thinks spelling is trivial; math is anything but concrete; and rules...well they are for other people.

But. BUT.

She wakes up happy and ready to head out into the world EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Oh sure, there are days when she tells the P.E. teacher that she can't run because she sprained her thumb while brushing her hair. She claims that a poor grade on a spelling test happened only because she didn't have her pink pencil, and HELLO...only when she writes with the pink pencil does she take her time, because pink makes her happy and regular pencils are boring.

But, the one constant in her life is ENERGY. The child is ELECTRIC.

If only she could charge up her mother...

See y'all!

Sunday Supper - Edition 26

I have to be honest. I'm way over winter and below normal temperatures, and if I see another snow flake I'm going to have to go away to convalesce or my family may very well kill me. Which may not be altogether terrible, because I'm more than certain that Heaven is a warm and predictable 82 degrees; always sunny; always a breeze blowing off the surf, and there are little angels that bring you Diet Coke as you sit in your lounge chair being all ethereal and perfect.

You know, way better than say, a weekend of sunny but cold weather which you can't really enjoy anyway because you have to grade papers in which 14 year-olds talk about their visits to the six teen chapel (translation: Sistine Chapel), or long dissertations on the bow canny scene in Romeo and Juliet (translation: balcony scene).

And, to make matters worse, I've had to give up Food Network because, well let's just be honest, as lovely and wonderful as Paula Deen and The Neelys are, they aren't exactly Weight Watchers approved. So, I've sort of lost my inspiration and motivation for cooking.

Until today, when I made Ree's cinnamon rolls in an effort to sabotage the weight loss challenge the coaches have entered into. They love when I bake, and somehow, Coach has put up some sort of food forcefield, and his willpower is nothing short of inspirational.

So, I thought I should help my man by sweetly offering the others 6 trays of cinnamon rolls, because here at the Momsense home, we don't lose well. Hey, my mama didn't raise no dummy. The key to winning is knowing that every opponent is beatable, especially when you know their weaknesses - all's fair in love and dieting.

So Coach - if ever you doubt my love for you, remember I spent the better part of a Sunday baking the one thing that will surely break down the willpower of every single one of them.
IT. IS. ON.

It's a war we're in; but I've got your back. We're loyal that way.

Anyway, I had planned on making crab cakes today, so I'll leave you the recipe, but instead we went to my parents' house for dinner to celebrate my dad's birthday and my parents' 40th anniversary.

Here you go. They are delightful.

Crab Cakes That Love You

• 3 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 bell pepper chopped (you can use red or green or both)
• 3 tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon dry mustard
• 1/2 to 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (depending on how spicy you like them- feel free to add more if you dare)
• 1 lemon, halved
• 1 pound fresh lump crabmeat, drained
• 1 1/2 cups Italian-seasoned breadcrumbs, divided
• 1/4 cup of olive oil (or butter - it's totally up to you. I've done it both ways, and both are wonderful)

Combine the first six ingredients; stir in the juice of one-half lemon, crabmeat, and 1 cup breadcrumbs. Shape into 8-10 patties; dredge patties in remaining breadcrumbs.

Fry 4 patties in 2 tablespoons of olive oil/butter in a large skillet over medium heat 3 minutes on each side or until golden; drain. Repeat.

Cut remaining lemon into wedges (cut a few more if you'd like) and serve with tartar sauce or cocktail sauce.

If you're a Weight Watchers person- they are 4 points per patty if you use olive oil.

And, if you're wondering what we eat with these babies, they are great with the Baby Blue Salad.

Baby Blue Salad

• 3/4 pound mixed salad greens (like the ones I grew in my garden, thank you very much.)
• Balsamic Vinaigrette
• Parmesan Cheese, shaved
• 2 oranges, peeled, sectioned, and quartered
• 1 pint fresh strawberries, quartered
• Sweet & Spicy Pecans

Toss greens with desired amount of Balsamic Vinaigrette. Toss in cheese and remaining ingredients. Serve immediately.

Balsamic Vinaigrette

• 1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
• 3 Tablespoons Dijon mustard
• 3 Tablespoons honey
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 small shallots, minced
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 3/4 to 1 cup olive oil ( I try to use closer to 3/4 cup)

Put all ingredients except the oil in a food processor or blender and process. Gradually add in oil.

Sweet & Spicy Pecans

• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 cup warm water
• 1 cup pecan halves
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1 tablespoon chili powder
• 1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper

Stir together 1/4 cup sugar and 1 cup warm water until sugar dissolves. Add pecans. Soak 10 minutes. Drain, and discard syrup.

Combine 2 tablespoons sugar, chili powder, and red pepper. Add pecans, tossing to coat. Place pecans on a lightly greased baking sheet.

Bake at 350 for 10 minutes, stirring once.

Enjoy!

See y'all!

Problems in the Kitchen

Weight Watchers week #3 and I'm down again! Praise God. I've lost weight every week, gone to the meetings every week, and I've lost a total of 5 pounds. Small yes, especially when you sidle it up to Coach's 12 pounds, but considering I've managed to do it without taking a life, and fitting in macaroni and cheese, mexican food twice in one weekend, and ice cream- I'm good with my five pounds.

So tonight we talked about managing the kitchen and John, our fearless leader, told us the best way to manage our kitchens was to Recognize, Remove, and Replace.

Which is not bad advice all the way around.

I've been "off" for a bit now, and the last three weeks have had me involved in the middle of a drama that would rival Days of Our Lives on its best day.

And I don't like drama.

AT. ALL.

I like to face the problem; quickly come up with a solution; and HANDLE THE THING.

MY WAY.

I also don't like being told what to do or how things "will be." Especially when I know I'm right, which incidentally, is all of the time. Don't believe me? Ask Coach, he'll tell you, I'm never wrong.

It's what makes me so endearing and easy to be around.

Anyway, let's just say this. There was drama. Lots of it. I cried...at work...in front of a man...and let me remind you, I'm not a cryer. I only cry when I get really, really mad.

And I was mad, and so was said man, and honestly, I think we both left that meeting with a little more respect for each other, or maybe he just left totally freaked out that I cried. Who really knows?

So, you'll have to excuse me, I've been involved in my own personal hissy fit for the last few days.

And I'm Recognizing that now. I have Removed all the nonsense from my life.

And now I'm Replacing it with some silly anecdotes from the last few days.

Because, in Weight Watcher John's words- "it's time to manage the kitchen."

So here you go- maybe it will get you out of your own personal hissy fit as well.

1. AC has to memorize the Oath of Office of the President. She recited it to me. It took 15 seconds and is literally 2 lines long. I said, "Wow, that's it? It's short."

And AC replied "I know. The Girl Scout Pledge is way harder than that."

Me: "You're right. You'd think the leader of the free world would have to memorize a little more than that."

AC: "Yeah, being a Girl Scout is way WAY harder than being President."

Me: "You think?"

AC: "Duh. The President doesn't have to sell Girl Scout Cookies and do research on India."

Explains a lot, don't you think?

2. In class today, a senior asked me if Endometriosis would be considered an anatomical disease.

I replied, "Yes, it is a serious condition that causes terrible cramping, heavy bleeding during the menstrual cycle, and it causes a build up of scar tissue that can cause fertility issues."

To which a boy in the class replied, "Dang Mrs. K, why don't you just be blunt. What would you do if I asked you if Jock Itch was an anatomical disease?"

So I said, "I would tell you yes, it is also a disease of sorts. It is a fungus that one tends to get when skin is left moist and warm for extended periods of time which provides the optimal conditions for a fungus to grow. It can cause uncomfortable itching and has to be treated with an anti-fungal spray or cream."

To which he said, "Now you're just being gross like my mom. Why do moms just say crap like that with no warning or anything? You just say it like you're asking me what I want for lunch."

To which I said, "Except if I were your mom I wouldn't ask you what you wanted for lunch. You'd get what you get and you wouldn't throw a fit."

And finally, he said, "Geez, what would happen if we asked you about STD's or reproduction?"

And all I had to say was, "Do you really want me to answer that question?"

And he said, "No ma'am."

Good boy.

Which is sort of funny because when we went to WW tonight, there was a woman who was accusing her absent husband of sabotaging her diet by bringing home chocolate scones and peanut butter bars.

John suggested she talk to him about it, and tell him how she feels.

She replied that she had done that many times, but her husband was mad because along with her weight, she also lost her boobs.

And I have to say, I was uncomfortable and struck temporarily mute.

But I'm over it now.

See y'all!

Sunday Supper Edition 25-ish

Last weekend it looked like this…

And it was cooooooooooooold…

And yesterday, it looked like this…

And it was warm enough for the kiddos to wear shorts…

And for the dogs to go for a swim. And for the record, yes we have two dogs. Mack is the baby.

He’s also a little bit of a poser. Many of you have asked about why there are no pictures of Ivy. Don’t we love her too? Why do we so obviously favor the baby?

Well….This is why. Meet Ivy. She doesn’t like her picture to be taken, so she buries her face in a hole. (Actually, that’s not entirely true. In an effort to prove to me that hunting is indeed an activity worthy of the title “sport” and not simply “hobby”, she spent the better part of her day catching moles. And let me say this, she catches them to the Glory of God, Amen.)

So, this is the best I could do, and the only reason she bothered to look up was because I screamed like I was being attacked. Which is why she looks so concerned…

Or not.

Anyway, we played outside most of the weekend.

I had to find something that would be satisfying and relatively quick for supper tonight. And I did. And it’s good. It’s really really good.

Beef Fillets with Stilton-Portobello Sauce

• 4-6 6oz. beef fillets
• salt
• pepper
• 4 tablespoons butter, divided
• 8 oz. sliced portobello mushroom caps
• 1/3 cup dry red wine (you can use beef broth if you’d like)
• 1/2 cup sour cream (we used fat-free, because, you know, Weight Watchers and all)
• 3 oz. of Stilton or blue cheese, crumbled and divided

Season the fillets with salt and pepper. Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Cook fillets 4-5 minutes on each side (or desired doneness – 4 minutes is rare) Remove fillets from skillet, and keep warm.

Melt remaining 2 tablespoons butter in skillet. Add mushrooms, and saute 3-4 minutes or until tender. Add wine and cook for a couple of minutes. Be sure to loosen the brown bits in the skillet. Stir in sour cream. Sprinkle 1/4 – 1/2 of the cheese into the sauce. Stir until it’s melted.

Arrange the fillets on a serving platter, and drizzle them with the sauce. Sprinkle with the remaining cheese.

Easy Beefy Oven Rice

• 1 10.5 ounce undiluted French Onion Soup
• 1/4 cup butter
• 1 large jar of sliced mushrooms
• 1 8 oz can water chestnuts
• 1 cup uncooked long-grain rice

Combine soup and melted butter and stir. Drain mushrooms and water chestnuts RESERVING THE LIQUID from both. Add enough water to the reserved liquids to equal 1 1/3 cup.

Add mushrooms, water chestnuts, reserved liquid, and rice to soup mixture. Stir well. Pour into a lightly greased baking dish. Cover and bake at 450 for about 45 minutes to an hour (when liquid is absorbed and rice is tender)

Marinated Roasted Vegetables

• Large package of mushrooms – remove stems
• 2 small red onions quartered
• 1 Bell pepper cut into slices
• 2 medium zucchini
• 2 medium yellow squash

Place vegetables in a large mixing bowl. Pour olive oil over vegetables. Add balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper, and 2 cloves of minced garlic if you prefer. Pour into a baking dish and cook at 450 for about 25-30 minutes. Feel free to add different vegetables based on what your family likes. I think broccoli or asparagus or even brussel sprouts would be good if your little people will eat them.

And carrots… or moles, or you know, whatever you have around the house.

See y’all!

A Question for the Ages

What constitutes sport?

Now, I know I'm about to upset some people, and for that I'm truly sorry, yet I will proceed.

Figure Skating? Not a sport

Cheerleading? Not a sport

Boxing? Sort of a sport- only if someone gets knocked out though- if you win by "points" it's not a sport.

Wrestling? Only if you win with a pin...otherwise, not a sport.

Hunting? Not a sport.

I know, I know Texas- I just sent you into a hissy fit, and I am sorry, but come on- a man with thumbs and a loaded weapon versus a docile animal with no thumbs, no weapon, and no knowledge of your presence?

Not a sport.

Deer aren't exactly elusive creatures, nor are ducks. Matter of fact, at any given time you can find plenty of both in our yard.

If you want to make hunting a sport, either arm the deer or have men hunt each other, you know like "The Most Dangerous Game" - now that's sport.

Paintball? Totally a sport. See above.

NASCAR? A sport.

Gymnastics? Not a sport.

Now, I'm not saying that the aforementioned activities don't require physical skill and athleticism, I will totally agree with you there.

As a matter of fact, I can distinctly remember a day back in 2003 when I was trying to impress both Coach and a gaggle of 12 year old girls with my gymnastic skills by launching myself into a running round-off.

Who knew that momentum and gravity were going to, at that moment, join together in a tryst that God himself would not put asunder and send me straight into my first back handspring since 1986.

Well, I'll say this - athleticism, though much needed, failed me, and what resulted was a middle aged woman being sprawled across a football field with what I was certain were two dislocated wrists, a rear-end hanging out of her shorts, and some deeply bruised pride.

Oh, and a standing ovation.

It was a proud moment.

But sport? Sport implies there is a worthy opponent. A worthy opponent that you simultaneously compete against, not just gravity. And at the end of the competition there is a visual victor with measurable results.

For instance, I ran faster than you, therefore I am the winner. See? Sport.

I knock you out cold, I am still conscious, again, I win. See? That's sport.

But, if you and I fight, and neither of us is knocked out, but we're both bloody, sweaty, and tired? Well, sweetheart, that's The Bachelor...and not a sport.

Which is why I say that boxing and wrestling only qualify if there is a knock-out or pin, otherwise there is some subjective scoring method that deals with "points" that only a qualified judge can award.

And once you start making that the only criteria for sport we'll have to start considering beauty pageants (or scholarship programs) sport.

Which will mean that women everywhere will start buying beer and attending Toddlers and Tiaras rallies at rodeos all over the country...

And then my friend, well then you've got a bad moon rising.

See y'all!